Reinventing Yourself, Designing Better: Knowing Thyself + 3 Tips for a Healthy Audit
June 05, 2021
I Heard This Quote This Week :
The Number One Most Important Factor in Human Psychology and Mental Health is Having Congruence in One’s Own Identity and Actualized Lifestyle in Action.
How true does that sound like for you in your own life? Ever sit and ponder long enough to deal with those hard emotions of fighting past decisions or wondering what the future holds if you could only take the next steps towards _x_ _y_ or _z_ ?
Has anyone ever called you a hypocrite and you felt overwhelmingly threatened for some reason, like so much so you didn’t realize such a word could provoke such a hyperbole of response throughout your blood vessels?
Do you have any current or previous self-limiting beliefs that you know you try to work through on a regular basis to make sure you keep climbing and stay on top of your game? Do you tell yourself false narratives instead and force yourself to believe that you’re not worthy of greater, you’re not deserving of something better, or that being open to make a change in your life as an act of caring about yourself would be futile and pointless?
Have you ever felt like you’ve personally held yourself back from being transparent from others in fear of what they might say, think, or believe about you? Perhaps you were afraid they would be disappointed, be upset, be afraid, or even leave you?
If you don’t know who you are, why you are and where you are where you are - then are you even there at all? - let’s try that again..
If you don’t know your truest values or the deepest sense of who you are and the reason why you want to be, breathe, and believe in your breadth of life on this planet.. then it can quickly become a dark and scary place of loneliness.
“Why do I do what I don’t want to do?”
“Why is it so hard for me to not do what I don’t want to?”
- we all go through some diabolical, existential personal identity crisis at times, and it sucks. It sucks, it really does. If we live incongruent to our values, we’re living two different identities and our body, brain, soul and spirit start to get confused, confuzzled, discombobulated, and a little bit mysteriously lost in the abyss.
Romans 7:15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
We must perpetually pursue congruence in order to stay front-of-mind or continue to maintain conscious consciousness over our existence. If we realize we’re not living the life we really want to live - it becomes incredibly difficult to keep pushing through, living day after day wearing a false facade, masquerading at the ball.
Fakers and Makers
Do we just need to “fake it ‘til we make it?” Business leaders and professionals all around often suggest “you have to be the person at the next level before you actually get to that next level” - meaning you actually have to resolve yourself from leaving your past identity and truly, absolutely grab ahold of that next identity or that next image you’re striving for. Then, as time progresses, you’ll fit that mold more and more.
"Just as established products and brands need updating to stay alive and vibrant, you periodically need to refresh or reinvent yourself." -- Mireille Guiliano
If you strive for living a specific image, identity or value-driven lifestyle, it’s not like you’re just miraculously able to be the epitome of this example without active pursuit, persistent pursuit to exercise those muscles to live this special life you desire.
If we make decisions that don’t actually align with our self-prescribed personal values then we can easily just rationalize our behaviors in a way until it makes sense to us in order to resolve any potential incongruence we may have faced.
Happy to see kids finished out this school year well. So proud of them all. Proud of all the teachers who provided support, reinforcement, affirmations, dispelling fears and giving hope, peace and love - all the things our kids need greatly.
It’s hard to live in freedom when the world throws us into fear. It’s hard for the human spirit to spread out with love and peace, when the world throws us into isolation and quarrelsome dissent.
Humans are instinctual.
When challenged, we defend. When in fear, we cannot take time to focus on peace, love, and delight - for our survival may be at risk. Fear is a fire alarm to warn us of something greater. Fear is not the problem, not listening to the fear, may be a problem, however. If we ignore the warning signs and continue to listen to the fear - the fire alarm continues to sound, promoting and provoking fear and mental anarchy inside our heads like a throbbing migraine headache we just can’t seem to get away from.
Imagine trying to gently whisper your child to sleep while every smoke alarm in the house is going off in full alarm… would your child be able to sleep in that world? Would you be able to sleep or find any peace of mind or piece of mental health balance if you’re constantly listening to signals designed to prompt you to act, attack and defend for your life? Not likely… fear is powerful - a powerful preemptive preventative instinct, but just like inflammation, it’s not necessarily “bad” unless provoked chronically going on and on and on and on. The human body can only take so much before it grows exhausted and weak to the signals.
Sometimes we must recognize the fear-provoker (what is the fire alarm?) and where it is coming from (what is leading me to feel fear in this moment, where is the smoke coming from?) and what can I do to prepare for this event? How can I discern this event as life-threatening or perhaps someone simply burnt some toast in the toaster?
Chronic fear = Chronic inflammation
Chronic fear = inflammation = pain = problem
Acute fear and acute inflammation on the other hand are biological safety systems designed to keep you alive. Listening to these signals is key, resolving their alarms - discerning fact from fiction, immediate life threatening event vs false alarm of fear is imperative for your peace and happiness. It is. There’s no denying it.
Perhaps you have smoke alarms going off all the time in your own life?
Perhaps you feel a bit overwhelmed, over stressed, over stimulated of late?
Perhaps it’s time to go searching for those smoke alarms and turn them off as you properly discern those alarms from fact or fiction, from fear to help you survive or chronic fear that has left you feeling deprived.
2 Timothy 1:7, NLT: "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
With respect to the recent controversial status of leaders' decision making and public health recommendations, It's got me thinking back on this last year for our beloved kiddos.. Can't say I wasn't telling the truth… Can't say I was "right" - but I was always and will always be striving for honest investigations and interrogations as we all pursue the same shared biological path of survival with the greatest joy and least pain possible in the journey and adventure to live our very best lives possible.
#Throwback: I wrote this back in November in response to the crazy controversies over "kids in school" issues.. here's our reminders to learn from and remember our history. It was fascinating as after publishing and sharing on socials, my community of people began speaking up and I had teachers from around the world commenting back to me about their lived experience in their country as compared to the US. It was fascinating to say the least.
Leaving the past behind can feel hard, difficult, emotional, and more. It’s okay to acknowledge these emotions, properly cope and work through those struggles in order to get to the other side of the tunnel of transition you’re striving to take. Don’t avoid those existential questions and concerns you’re thinking and feeling. Sit with those questions and resolve any questions with answers, with definitive answers for why you want to live the way you want to live.
“I will no longer simply waste 4 bags of trash each week. I want to live a more mindful, sustainable lifestyle, so I’m going to grab new recycling bins and start a compost for food scraps in my backyard.”
“For me to make a bigger impact and bigger difference in this world, I need to grab further education, further training, find and apprentice or a mentor. I need to believe in my ability in the future and launch myself into that future with the changes I must make today.”
“For me to give my family a better life than I had growing up, I know I will work my butt off and I will forever have a fire in my heart to ensure safety, security, and a life without chronic stress and worries upon my family members. I will live life with a growth perspective, with a long-term mindset, and live life with an open mind for investments into assets I can pass down to my next of kin.”
“I don’t want to be the person who feels addicted to sugary snacks or soda and beer on the weekends. I’m frustrated and tired of seeing myself in the mirror, waking up exhausted and wasting my emotions away each weekend avoiding my feelings. Even though my dad taught me to bury my emotions and cope through drinking, I’m no longer going to follow in his footsteps. I’m going to step the f@%$ up and take care of myself because I’m worth it and my family deserves to have the very best of me, and all of me. And I just have to remind myself that they love me abundantly despite how much I fear that I will fail them just like my father failed my mother and I.
I’ll stop the family-chain of despair with me. It stops with me. My family and our future will be better for it.”
"You must learn a new way to think before you can master a new way to be."
-- Marianne Williamson
So here’s my encouragement to you this week:
Consider the HOW, the WHY, the WHAT to the life you want to live.
what life do you want - what makes it unique or specific to your values?
why do you want to live that life as compared to other kinds of lifestyles?
how will you lead out that lifestyle you’ve decided that you want to live?
Send me a reply, leave a comment below, or take a leap of courage into a supportive community by sharing in our Facebook community to tell me about your life, the what, why, and how, behind that specific life you have decided for yourself. This is a piece of accountability too. Take even just 5 minutes to write these points out with your pen and pad, grabbing a notepad or journal.
Share this with your closest friend, your partner, or possibly a trusted family member. Ask them for help defining your current life if you feel a bit lost crafting this from the beginning, instead you might try reverse engineering this mental model exercise by asking others to describe your what, why, and how to hear what they believe and perceive about your life based on your current projections and your history to date.
See what things align, what things can be realigned, tweaked, adjusted along this journey of life.
That’s what we’re here for - ZigZagging along the way.
Through peaks and dips, curves to the left and bows to the right. This life is a journey and so is our health. We learn and live life in an iterative design, checking in and changing along the way. Take grace in this, take love in this, take joy and excitement in this. Take pride in this and pride in you designing the life you want to live.
This is your life, so take it and make it your own.